自助餐厅，吃货的圣地！那么如何才能有预谋，有策略，有理论地把钱吃回来，让老板怕你，恨你，哄你，打你，甚至把自助餐厅吃垮，让老板通缉你呢?请看Nick的亲身经历。暴食暴饮伤害身体，请大家慎重！

　　英文部分摘自www.punny.org，作者是Nick。

　　中文翻译由笔者完成，力求符合中文的习惯，无"英语腔"，欢迎转发。

　　Eat Your Money's Worth At Any All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

　　My name is Nick, and I'm an all-you-can-eat-buffet-holic.

　　我叫尼克，是自助餐吃货达人。

Pre-Meal Planning

餐前准备

　　Do Not starve yourself ahead of time. One classic dinner buffet strategy is to skip breakfast and lunch so that you're starving in the evening. If you try this method, you'll usually find that your stomach can't handle the shock of going from "help, need food" to "12 pounds of beef" just like that. Eat a normal breakfast and a light lunch earlier in the day and you'll keep your metabolism in top form well into the night.

　　不要提前饿肚子。经典的自助晚餐攻略是：不吃早餐和午饭，饿个半死再去。如果用这个方法，通常会觉得胃实在无法忍受从"救命啊，我要吃饭"到"12磅牛肉"这样的震撼。早餐正常吃，午餐吃早吃清淡，新陈代谢到晚上会处于巅峰状态。

　　Load up on carbs beforehand. Doughnuts, toaster pastries, and anything else where ingredient #1 is carbs will help ensure that you're hungry and able to stomach a lot by dinnertime.

　　预先多吃含碳水化合物的东西。多纳圈、烤的油酥点心等都行，只要主要成分是碳水化合物就行，确保晚上吃自助餐之前会很饿，这样就能多吃。

　　Clear the runway. Make sure you pay a nice long visit to the bathroom not long before your visit to the buffet. You're going to need every last square inch of those intestines.

　　清空肠道。确保在要去吃自助餐前踏踏实实上个厕所，以充分利用每一寸肠道。

　　Break out the fat pants. Don't even think of showing up to the buffet in pants that actually fit you. You want two sizes above normal at a minimum. Sweat pants work great too.

　　穿着加大加肥的裤子去。千万不要穿正好合身的裤子，至少穿比正常尺码大两个号的，运动裤就很赞。

　　Don't plan to drive home. Pretend you're going out for a night of heavy drinking. Give someone else the keys, or know the number for a cab. You don't want the thought of any physical activity creeping into your head during your meal-a-thon.

　　不要开车回家。假装晚上要出去大喝一顿酒，把钥匙交给别人，或者电话叫出租车。在自助餐马拉松的过程中，如果想到吃完后还要开车，你肯定不会爽。

　　Get there early. The food will be fresher if you show up ahead of the crowd. Fresher food is tastier, so you'll enjoy eating it more.

　　早点到。如果在吃饭高峰之前到，饭菜会更新鲜，也更好吃，就会吃得更多。

　　Bring a book. What, you had other plans for the evening? No way, Jose. Get there ahead of the crowd and plan to stay until closing. You'll want to take a long break or two, so bring something to keep yourself occupied while your fork is empty.

　　带一本书。什么?晚上还有其他安排?大哥，怎么可能!在吃饭高峰之前到，然后吃到关门。在吃的过程中会想歇上一两次，而且时间不会短，叉子闲着的时候可以看书打发时间。

Attack That Buffet!

把自助餐厅吃垮！

　　Sit close, but not too close. If you can seat yourself, don't pick a table too far from the action. Even a little bit of walking will contribute to your fatigue levels. At the same time, don't sit two feet from the food stations because all those smells will hit you at once and wreack havoc on your olfaction.

　　坐近点，但别太近了。如果能自己选座位，不要把桌子选得离美食太远的地方，因为哪怕是走一点点的路，也会升级你的劳累感。此外，不要坐在离餐台两英尺近的地方，这样混杂的各种气味会马上扰乱嗅觉。

　　First stop: meat. The ham, beef, and chicken will likely be tucked away in the far corner from where you're seated, but that should be your first target. Soups, breads, pastas, and rice are simply road blocks intended to fill you up quickly and save the restaurant money.

　　第一站：肉。火腿，牛肉和鸡肉可能会藏在离你座位很远的角落里，但这些东西应该是第一个目标。汤类、面包类、面条类和米饭类绝对是路障，想把客人迅速喂饱，为餐厅节约钱。

　　Your beverage of choice: nothing. Drink as little as possible. liquids take up space in your stomach that could be better used for food. If you must, pour yourself a half glass of water and take a sip after every plate - just enough to cleanse your palate for the next round.

　　喝什么？什么都不喝。喝得越少越好。液体很胀肚子，喝多了就吃不下了。如果一定要喝，倒半杯水，吃完一盘东西小抿一口就可以了，够漱口就行，然后继续战斗。

　　Second stop: meat. Seriously, load up on meat if you want your money's worth. At full-service carving stations, let the carver keep loading your plate until it's full of dead animal. Don't be tempted to shove some mashed potatoes on the side to fill the gap in that plate.

　　第二站：肉。真的，猛吃肉才能把钱吃回来。吃自助餐的时候，尽管让切肉的小哥不断地往你盘子里添肉，直到堆满为止。要禁得住诱惑，不要在盘子的空隙中堆满土豆泥。

　　Third stop: meat. Or maybe seafood. Just don't fall for those generic-looking white fish fillets you'll sometimes see. They usually taste terrible and are cheaper than tender slices of beef.

　　第三站：肉或者海鲜。有时候会有毫无特色的白色鱼片，请不要受骗，一般很难吃，而且比嫩牛肉片便宜。

　　Fourth stop: something else. If you're still eating after downing a few pounds of pork and poultry, you're probably close to breaking even. Feel free to sample some of the other wares. Bread should still be a no-no because it's dirt cheap and will fill your tummy faster than you can say "I gotta puke."

　　第四站：吃点别的东西。吃了几磅鸡肉鸭肉猪肉后，如果还在吃，就差不多要把钱吃回来了，这时候就尝一点其他的东西吧。面包还是不能吃，因为太便宜了，而且很胀肚子，胀得你想吐。

　　Take a break. Now is probably a good time to break out that book and pause for a bit. Avoid the temptation to down a mug of soda. The only digestive aid you should use right now is time.

　　休息一下。这个时候最好把书打开来读一读，但要忍住想喝一杯苏打水的冲动。此时此刻，时间是唯一的助消化良药。

　　Fifth through ??? stops: victory! Once you've gotten your money's worth, it's time to celebrate your win. Grab a brownie, smother it with ice cream, toss on every topping in sight, and top it all off with a big slice of roast beef. Mmmmm.

　　第五站：到终点了，胜利了!钱吃回来了，就应该庆祝一下。抓起一块巧克力蛋糕，抹上厚厚的冰淇淋，放上现场能看到的各式调料，再盖上一大片烤牛肉。嗯，太好吃了！(作者：谢昕呈，北京新东方北美项目部优秀教师)